That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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