I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
