I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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