Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
