his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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