You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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