is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
