So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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