Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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