he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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