You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
