Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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