You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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