what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
