So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
