I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
