I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
