Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
