I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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