It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
