who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
