i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
