Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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