Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
