the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i believe in u and ur pee
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