I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
