"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
