And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
