you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
