My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
