apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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