I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
