he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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