he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize