My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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