I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
