That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
