Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
