So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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