Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
