in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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