His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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