Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
