a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
