We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
