turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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