What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
