I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
