i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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