im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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