Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
