My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize