I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
