it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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