Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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