So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
