YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
