We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
