i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
