Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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