kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
