I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
