i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
3 2 1 whiskey
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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