i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
