You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
