You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
