remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize