I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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