I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
