I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
