1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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